In October, I had the honor of sitting on a panel alongside powerhouse attorneys with the Mother Attorney Mentor Association of Austin or the “MAMAs.” The current President of MAMAs, Connie Ditto, strategically recruited myself, Amber Russell, and María Amelia Calaf to speak on a panel moderated by Kate Lincoln-Goldfinch about our unique paths to leadership of initiatives while navigating our careers and motherhood. Yes, I pinched myself, shook off imposter syndrome, and shed a happy tear when I was invited to speak with these outstanding women. The luncheon was full of a wholesome conversation about what inspired us, who stands out as an amazing leader, and how motherhood has shaped your leadership style. One of the questions that we prepared for the panel but were not able to get to discuss was about building community in a competitive field. The topic was, “You’ve all built communities that focus on collaboration over competition. What’s the secret to making that work? And, have you ever had to shift your own mindset away from competition?” This was one I’d prepared for, because most of my leadership is outside of work, and I truly enjoy what I do—not because it’s filled with winning and losing, but because it’s filled with service to others and gratitude for connections and community. I believe this topic becomes even more valuable when younger attorneys begin practicing it early, especially those seeking to build community connections beyond the workplace.
Before going into my response, I want to share what some of the other MAMAs contributed when I asked if they could share what their response and advice would have been if we had time for this question. If you know Kate Lincoln-Goldfinch, you know that she is living and breathing competition outside of work at the moment. I am tremendously grateful that she was able to take the time to moderate our panel for the luncheon.
The MAMA Perspective: Insights from the Panelists
Connie Ditto, President of MAMAs and Partner at Beckstead Terry Ditto PLLC
Connie wrote, “MAMAs are in a unique position to understand the constant struggle of lawyer moms–not just to balance work and life, but coordinating our fierceness and perfectionism our careers demand with the compassion and grace our children need. It was created to be a place where we could be unabashedly mothers and lawyers-–devoid of the competitiveness that exists in other legal settings.” She is doing a great job to continue the camaraderie that others established before her in her leadership year.
Amber Russell, Founder of LOAR, PLLC, and the SOAR Program
Amber Russell, founder of LOAR, PLLC and the Scholarship Opportunities and Relationships (SOAR) program, emphasized the importance of prioritizing relationships above all else. She shared the following, “For me, the secret is valuing the relationships above all else. I genuinely believe there is more than enough work to go around. I’ve been practicing long enough to benefit from others who shared openly and collaborated with me, and now I’ve experienced the full circle of being able to do that for others. That perspective changes everything. A big part of it is who you surround yourself with. Inside our firm and in my friendships and community outside of LOAR, I’m fortunate to be around people I truly care about who care about me. That makes it easy to cheer them on, to step aside and let them shine, and to know they’ll be right there celebrating my wins, too. Also, I know there are some circumstances in which we don’t get to choose who we are surrounded by—maybe it’s a large firm and not everyone is your cheerleader, or there are difficult competitors who are clear they don’t want to celebrate your wins. That’s okay, just know you’re not going to invest your time and energy in them, and be glad you can recognize the difference. Your time is a luxury item (thank you Taylor Swift), so value it appropriately and spend it with people who will build you up.”
María Amelia Calaf, Partner at Botkin Chiarello Calaf and Founder of LILA
María Amelia Calaf is a partner at Botkin Chiarello Calaf and founder of the Latinas in Law Austin (LILA) group. I had the chance to catch her over the phone to get her advice on the secret to building communities that focus on collaboration over competition. María Amalia shared that (like many of us) while at the University of Chicago Law School, the seed of competition was planted by the prevalence of the scarcity mindset created in that environment. She shared that the scarcity mindset sets in when there are just a few prestigious things that everyone wants, which then leads to competition and competitiveness being deeply ingrained into future lawyers’ minds. Starting her career in “big law,” María Amelia brought the competitiveness driven by the scarcity mindset into her practice and life, which did not bring her joy. Once she was able to make the transformation from scarcity to an abundance mindset, that there are plenty of opportunities to be successful, it made her practice of law a lot more enjoyable. Shifting from big law also allowed her to shift to more collaboration, which ultimately benefited her personally and her clients. María Ameila recognized that there is still the competitive drive, but rather than against others, it is a competitive challenge to herself to do a good job in her advocacy and in her service.
Leading by Example
My own secret to fostering a community focused on collaboration over competition is twofold: leading by example and surrounding myself with individuals who prioritize collaboration and connection. I would most certainly not want to add to my already existent stress by choosing to serve and surround myself with individuals who are always focused on competition, one-upping each other, and hyper-focused on comparison. I got plenty of that in school and sports.
When I’m at an AYLA or other service organization event, I strive to make everyone feel welcome and to leave competition where it belongs—in the courtroom or the office.
It took years for me to fully shift my mindset away from the competition that had been a part of my life well before law school. The transformation from competition to collaboration has, without a doubt, made me a better leader, friend, mother, and advocate.
It is my sincere hope that readers can take some of this advice and use it to build their own legacy of communities that focus on collaboration over competition, or at the very least, take the necessary steps to shift their mindset so that they are not always operating in “lawyer must compete and win” mode.
